we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
