ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
