Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
