also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
