The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
