he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
