Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
