While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
