is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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