Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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