This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
