Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
