I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
