Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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