At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
