I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
