New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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