I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
