Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
