..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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