so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
