you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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