I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
