3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
