I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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