I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
