I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
