She is in my trunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no, he came in my armpit
4 words: hood of his car
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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