he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
