so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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