I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
