Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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