I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
