When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
