also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
