How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
