i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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