Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
