what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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