I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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