is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
