is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
