PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
