I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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