ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
