why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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