Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
