I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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