yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
