you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
