I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
