Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
