I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
