all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
