I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
